Real Life "Mean Girls" At The Gig

OK, so this is a personal bitch today...

My (admittedly cold) heart goes out to any girl who's boyfriend is in a band.

No, not because of the drug addiction, or the cheating, or the crazy schedule... but because of the other members girlfriends. I should know, I am one.

You tend to get two groups- the cliched and the outcasts. In a four-piece band, maybe three of them will all be identical, these are the cliched. In this case, these girls have medium length hair, medium in colour, they wear plain jeans and safe chiffon tops with practical shoulder bags. Every. Single. Time.

And they hate me.

 

Not outwardly, but I am definitely the outcast of the group; maybe they are offended by my 5 inch heels? Maybe they hate my overly-classy dresses? Maybe it's because they were so cold towards me the first few times I met them, that now they whinge I don't make an effort to talk to them. Go figure.

 

So now the other members don't tell my boyfriend about a gig until the last minute. Then they take all the tickets so I am never able to get into events (one woman I spoke to was surprised because she had given out band-member tickets... to the worst members mother, seems she stole them all for the sensible-pump brigade). They wont allow me to help book gigs (they are currently getting local ones, once a month. I got them about 5 in a large city scene, which they turned down.).

 

They ignore me when I am there, and when I try to get up to dance they create a barrier of denim and swishing pale pink between me and the band.

 

So I sit on a table alone, nursing my Malibu & white wine. My boyfriend knows all his fellow band members girlfriends... and their mothers... and sisters... and yet, I know no-one. I wouldn't even recognise the drummer if I saw him in the street (he's quite new, been in the band a few months), yet my other half has been known to laugh and chat with his sister in public.

 

Oh well, at least I am the hottest girl there. That's probably why they hate me.

Ugly Ducklings To Beautiful Swans... Love to hate them.

Here is some light relief for all to browse whilst nursing those weekend hangovers...

When I was younger my skin was the colour of mud, I wasn't allowed to cut my hair into a style, and my arms and legs were endless. I looked like a baby monkey. "Gibbon" my brothers called me... what made it even worse was the fact I had bigs ears that stick out and when hair started to grow longer... it was thick and black.
I was the epitome of an "Ugly Duckling", and when I got older and cut my hair to my chin to rebel and lost weight due to a attention-seeking bout of anorexia, I looked worse... like a Mowgli look-a-like from the Jungle book.

Then I discovered waxing, hair extensions, the wonderful world of red lipstick with matching stilettos. I grew breasts! However my arms are still weirdly long and I even have a few party tricks where I contort myself like a pretzel. But looking at these photographs, it's lovely to know "I am not alone". Unfortunatly, I grew into, maybe, a woodpecker as opposed to a swan. I never grew into my large nose.

Maybe one day a surgeon will turn me into a swan like this amazing lot...

Saved the best till last, eh? Speak soon my gorgeous girls and guys! XOXOXO

Valeria Lukyanova "Real Life Barbie Doll"

The Human Barbie Doll?.. More Like The Human Blow Up Doll.

Speculation has said the 21 year old spent time and money on make-up and clothing (and no doubts about it, photoshop) to make her self look like the famous tiny-waisted Barbie Doll.

According to sources, she is 100%  natural.

You was born with white Barbie-esque hair Sweetie?..

Oh crap, look what I just found!

Did a magic fairy make your hair grow and change its colour? Or did you take a trip to the hair dressers and buy yourself some top-quality Russian hair extensions?


Not only is she completely out of proportion thanks to possibly photoshop and plastic surgery, but the model is covered in inch deep make-up.


After all this effort, I don't mean to be bitchy... but does anyone else think she resembles a blow up doll instead? The stiff body, the wide-eyed look, the distant gaze and no hint of a smile. It's not beautiful, it's not pretty and definitely not alluring.  It could easily be an advert for a sex toy. "Come get your blow up Valerie! Puncture proof, realistic feel and only $50!"... sorry, scrap that realistic part, I bet she squeaks when you touch that shiny skin. Mmmmm... sexy.


Weirdly, I do feel jealous of her however, and I am big enough to admit it! I wish I was that skinny, with hair that long, with a face that symmetrical. And while everyone is saying plastic surgery on a body that young could be damaging, and how she must be psychologically messed up, and that she sends out a negative message to the youth of today, blah blah blah... No-one is looking at the bigger picture.


She is young. As in, 21 years old. What 21 year old can afford that much surgery or even that much make-up, hair, etc?


"She's a model! She can afford anything!" I hear you cry! Alas, I was a model, I know how it works. Her photoshoot are very, very, VERY amateur. It looks like her friend or neighbour has taken alot of the pictures. Alot are taken by herself. They have no concept, they are for no company. It looks to me like what is called "TF" or Time For. Unpaid.


Maybe she is just rich?
Population below poverty line in the Ukraine: 35%
There was reports of concern over abandoned babies due to the poverty in the Ukraine.
I am  a 20 year old girl, living in the UK, who was (before a few days ago when I quit my job!) working full time, and I couldn't even afford a new lipstick most months! Then again, she is very skinny. Maybe she substituted money she would spend on food with botox and fillers. Maybe she has a Daddy who pays for it all...

New reports just in! She posted a video claiming she just has incredably good genes to thank for her *ahem* amazing looks... HOWEVER a Canadian man has also come to the fore claiming that he struck up an internet relationship with Valeria. She claimed she needed him to wire $900 over to her so she could fly to Canada to see him. She also told him she dreamed of buying herself a Malibu Dream House. OMG.


On a serious note, no-one has been able to make contact with this girl,  she has never responded to requests for comments. What sort of woman would want to do this to her own body? And how is she paying for it? It wouldn't surprise me if a man was behind this scandal much like the world's second most enhanced woman Minka, and her delightful husband and manager Woody. Google them..


Anyhow, I mus catch up on my beauty sleep, so farewell for now my beautiful stalkers!


Lets hope this doesn't give you nightmares...